Your Only Problem As a Parent
Only as a parent? Well no, what I’m sharing today is in fact true of all human beings (you can test the truth of that for yourself). But I want to speak to the parents today.
Consider this truth so that you can return to the grounded and empowered parent you are. And if you’re not a parent you can insert literally ANY relationship into this piece and test it out too.
Your only problem as a parent is…
Being Afraid of Your Own Experience.
Today we’ll look at one side of that experience — your thoughts…and then next time, your feelings.
So for today, consider that your only problem as a parent is…
…Believing thoughts to be truths.
Another way of saying that is, investing your wellbeing in the content of the thoughts.
Or, giving your power to the thoughts.
Or believing the thoughts are actually telling you about you, and your kid, and your future.
Here are some examples for different stages of the parenting game…
My baby can’t regulate their own temperature. Oh my goodness I am responsible for their body temperature….if I don’t get it right they might die!….and then I’d be a bad person and I’d be overcome by grief. I don’t think I can survive that.
This is a problem.
My toddler just won’t listen to me. As soon as I try to encourage them to do what I want, they kick off and throw things and scream. So I back off…I must be getting it wrong…I must have done something terrible earlier in their development….maybe they’ve got a behavioural problem…I need to fix this…if I don’t fix this they’ll be an outcast…and I’ll be judged for being a terrible parent…a bad person…I’ll be an outcast. I don’t think I can survive that.
This is a problem.
My 8 year old isn’t like the other kids. They aren’t like a normal boy / girl. I’m worried they’ll get bullied and picked on….I really need them to start doing normal things….so they don’t get bullied…so they’re accepted and have friends…because what if they don’t have friends…they’ll be a loner….nobody likes a loner….and then I won’t have friends because the other mums won’t like me….and I’ll be a loner….and that would make a me a bad person. I don’t think I can survive that.
This is a problem.
My teen doesn’t engage any more. What if they’re in their room watching TikToks about self harming, and eating disorders, and drugs, and…would I know if they were going down that route…I’ve seen the news…parents say they never thought anything was wrong….am I that parent?…what if something’s terribly wrong and I’m oblivious…I need to fix this…I need to get them to tell me what they’re watching…I need to make them talk about how they’re feeling…because what if something is wrong…and I don’t know…and the unthinkable happens…and I get branded a bad parent….a bad person. I don’t think I can survive that.
This is a problem.
Do you see where the problem comes from?
I imagine you can see the theme that creates what we believe to be ‘a problem’ — the belief of scary thoughts as truths.
Once we believe the first thought to be true, it instantly becomes a ‘problem’ rather than ‘information’. And then that attracts a whole cascade of other scary thoughts behind it.
When they too are believed as true we continue to feel worse and worse. And get more and more reactive. And less and less effective.
Read back through the thoughts above. For each age, pause at the end of the first thought, the first sentence. What does that feel like?
Does continuing with the subsequent thoughts feel better or worse?
Does stopping at the end of the first sentence give you all the information you actually know in this moment right now?
Notice this in your experience.
Catch yourself in the act of believing scary thoughts as truths.
Come back to what you actually know right now.
Notice how much more peace that brings to your experience.
Notice how loving action follows.
Notice how much more joyful that is.
With peace, love and joy; Helen
To drop this pattern of problem-creation so that you can feel more peaceful, loving and grounded as a parent, join the Conscious Parenting Programme here.
It will remind you of the peace that you already are.
It will remind you of the love that your inner battles are asking for.
It will remind you of the joy that is revealed when these battles fall away.
P.S. Want more on this ‘only problem you have as a parent’? Read part two of this here.
