What You Really Want

Last week I wrote to my newsletter crew about the dark night of the soul. The stage of awakening and enlightening that I love supporting and so I loved that it landed with such a ‘yes’ for so many. It’s that phase when “it feels worse than ever before, because you are now conscious of it, yet can’t escape, and you can’t hide or run away.” (Nicky Clinch). It’s when life gives you no choice but to see the seeming s*^t — absent of nail varnish. Then…it went to the next level.

Helen Amery


An image of a line diagram, with a downwards then upwards trajectory, following the same stages as this written piece.
With thanks to a Wild Fig Community Member

Earlier this week, I was sharing a voice memo with one of the Level 4 community members, about what you really want, and these words came out of my mouth, describing the natural order of feeling good that we REALLY want:

⭐ You want to feel good.
⭐ You want to feel good about being [insert name].
⭐ You want to feel good about being [insert name] in the world.


I love these moments when words pour through and then my human self hears them and is astonished, and says wow! Yes!! That!!

Because these words describe the natural order that you’re really craving.

This same community member then shared an awesome visual image that describes our first attempts to feel good, and the ‘failure’ points that turn us around and point us back to this natural order. Scroll down to see the fab image. And read these words for a fuller description of the journey:

1. External (fixing) focus. You’ve tried, and been taught to try, to feel good about being [name] in the external world. Doing what you think you should, what you think will make you happy. And that fails.

It appears some s*^t has been collected through this experience and that needs sorting out. So you try a few different jobs / bosses / team members / partners / houses / income levels. (First layers of nail varnish.) ….it still fails.

2. Internal (fixing) focus. So you decide [name] is the problem (some more s^*t), and you start to try and fix and improve on [name] by doing a bunch of self development (i.e. applying more nail varnish). You’re certain you can then feel good about him/her/them…But that fails.

3. Fu&%ed. In this ‘failure’, now…



Helen Amery

Creating a life of alignment, with peace, love and joy.