Don’t Confuse ‘Being Vulnerable’ With ‘Solving Your Problems’
We say it’s great that everyone can be more open these days. Vulnerability is lauded. Sharing your warts-and-all story attracts accolades. Being a messy human is celebrated. But what if it’s actually causing more problems?
Let’s be clear, being open and vulnerable is WAY healthier than decades gone by when things couldn’t be spoken about. Back then the difficulties were held in the shadows with shame. Making everything look good in public was the utmost priority — irrespective of how it was at home.
BUT there is a problem with this vulnerable story-telling. When you get stuck in it.
Because sharing your story isn’t the end. It’s the beginning. The opening. It’s the moment that’s designed to tip you from ‘this is how it feels’ into ‘this is what I want to do about that’.
But when you get stuck going round and round the story…
- You tell it to whoever will listen. And if that person stops listening you find someone else.
- You keep asking the same questions, and getting plenty of answers, information, advice — but you never actually do anything different, or change.
- You get bored of seeing the story playing out in this context, with these people, in this job — so you change the circumstances — change the groups you hang out in, end the relationship, change the job — only to see the same story surface again. Just in a different context.
Because circling in the story doesn’t solve the source of the problem.
Therefore the trouble with celebrating vulnerability and messiness is that it provides a permission slip to stay in stories.
It creates an air of ‘Oh phew! I’m OK. Look everyone else is struggling too.’
Which then stops you from tipping into ‘this is what I want to do about that’.
It provides a perfect new hiding place. Now, instead of dirty laundry being hidden in shame in the back cupboard, it’s out on the line. But it’s still not actually clean.
So I’m here to invite you to raise your standards.
To do this you are at the forefront of the masses.
You are taking a stand compared to the majority who are circling in their stories.
You are saying no to the problems that get excused with ‘well, I’m only human’.
You are stepping into a life where the negativity of doubt, uncertainty, reactivity, perfectionism, imposter syndrome…all the rubbish stuff…is dealt with. At a fundamental level.
Leaving you free to be the authentic, real you.
When you take action that’s right for you, it just feels good.
When you are clear on the inside, your yes’s and no’s get easier.
When you stop comparing yourself to others, you get to live your life your way.
So thank you to everyone who’s stepping forward and out of the norm!
Thank you to everyone who’s engaging with ways to get free of the crap we’ve societally come to accept as ‘just how it is’.
Oh and if you’re thinking this sounds awful because you’ll become like some weird unfeeling robot. No. You’ll simply stop feeling like it’s personal. You’ll stop assuming that you’re the problem.
You will get ALL the feels. Because that’s what you’re designed for.
But you won’t be victim to it. Circling in your story.
So raise your standards. Say no to negativity, and reawaken the real you.
With love, Helen
My solution to stop you circling in stories…
The Mace Energy Method.
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