If You Don’t Know What You Want, This is Why

I was inspired to write this week when someone shared that they don’t know what they want. This was something I experienced, and it’s something I hear many people struggle with. The reason? It’s because of this…

Helen Amery
5 min readNov 22, 2024
Image with quote by Helen Amery “When you’re so busy trying to manage and control what you don’t want, there’s no space for what you do want.”

Having been in the world of inspirational people who were ‘wanting, asking and receiving’ all the good stuff they wanted, with ease, it became clear I didn’t even know what I wanted.

When people asked ‘what do you desire?’ — I drew a blank.

When people said ‘Get into the feeling of that being a reality’ — Nope. Nothing there.

When people said ‘Dream about how your life could be! Imagine the possibilities! Really make it vivid as though it’s really happening!’ — It was like my imagination-generator had been turned off.

In truth. I was wanting, asking, and receiving all the time (that’s all that’s ever happening!) I was wanting, asking and receiving in my business all the time. I was creating new things. I was engaging in and collecting new ways of clearing the inner resistances, so I could feel more aligned, and therefore ‘want, ask, and receive’ more enjoyment. And the surface level of resistance was lightening.

But something deeper kept seeming to be asking for, and attracting, what I said I didn’t want.

Because, deep down, everything I said I wanted, was underpinned by a reactive, protective, auto pilot of negativity about me.

I was asking from an underpinning of ‘I don’t deserve’ which meant all my energy was going into managing, covering, smothering that ugly idea, which resulted in surface evidence of ‘not deserving’.

By asking from an underlying avoidance of being a failure or disappointment, all my energy was going into making sure nobody saw these ‘facts’ that I thought were true about me.

By asking for what I wanted with a subtext of ‘I am wrong’ everything was being asked for — and therefore done — in the avoidance of anyone seeing that fact that I thought I was wrong. Fundamentally wrong.

Given all of this hidden activity to manage, cover, hide, avoid, suppress…there was of course no space for considering what I wanted when it came to dreams and desires. There was no energy for feeling into amazing futures. There was no imagination power left for the possibilities.

Because the majority of my energy was directed into resisting, suppressing, avoiding, managing, and controlling all the awful stuff that I thought was me, that I didn’t want to be me, and that I had to stop anybody else seeing about me.

All my energy was subconsciously going into don’t look, don’t see me, don’t give to me, don’t celebrate me. You might see how awful I am!

All that energy was being spent covering over the stuff that deep down I felt was truly wrong about me.

Of course this suppression was all unknown. All I could see was the surface manifestation of it. All I could see was the stuff that I didn’t like and that was frustrating me and bringing me down.

All I could see was that no matter how eloquently I spoke or wrote I didn’t feel seen. No matter what I did in my business I wasn’t able to receive. No matter how much I tried to be OK I felt a kick in the guts if someone cancelled or gave unhappy feedback.

So at the start of the year, after years of trying to put an ‘I’m OK’ face on it, I stood in the bathroom and cried at the seeming futility of it all. It was like everything I was doing was going wrong, or at the very least wasn’t going how I wanted it to.

I felt at the end. It felt like there was one last ditch attempt left in me, and if it didn’t work I would stop the business and go work in Tesco’s.

Because of this moment of asking in alignment, and that when we ask in alignment we always receive in alignment, The dear Universe responded and provided me with a solution that changed my world.

The Mace Energy Method appeared and I had the solution. I knew it was this. And I was right. Because it’s this that finally got me free of all this covering, avoiding, suppressing, and managing of the ‘don’t want’s’.

It’s Mace that meant I got my energy back so it can now flow into what I actually want. Absent of resistances, limitations, and doubts.

Now I can feel it when I imagine good things happening. Now I can visualise fun futures and enjoy the experience of that visualisation.

Because it really is only in the removal of that negativity about yourself that your energy and attention can flow back into your heart’s desires. Only then is there capacity to feel the good stuff, and imagine yourself into that fun, exciting future.

So if you want this for yourself, then it is possible.

Which means that if someone comes to you and says ‘what do you want?’ — and you draw a blank. That doesn’t make you wrong. It doesn’t mean you’re broken. It simply means your energy is being diverted into managing and controlling what you don’t want.

And your freedom is on the other side of deleting that from your system.

Much love, Helen

Want to be free? Book Your Foundation Sessions.

Want to hear from someone else?

Since my Foundation Sessions I’ve experienced more creativity and flow. I feel like I’m experimenting more. Cutting loose like I used to when I was younger. I’ve spent so much less time second guessing and I’ve had a really consistent experience of enjoyment. I feel more settled into myself, with so much less of the constant worry there used to be.

In fact I had a great example to show how it used to be compared to now. A client cancelled part way through their programme this time last year. At that time there was a visceral fear reaction. A panic. But last week, I had almost the exact same experience, with a client saying they didn’t want to continue their programme and there wasn’t that feeling of abandonment. There was no feeling that I’d screwed up. There was no stickiness. There was sadness, I’ve enjoyed working with him. But then the most amazing thing. We met to close things off properly and had the richest session that added value and had him go off well prepared for what he’s doing next. That would never have been possible last year.

Thank you Helen!

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www.wildfigsolutions.co.uk

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Helen Amery
Helen Amery

Written by Helen Amery

Creating a life of alignment, with peace, love and joy.

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